I feel like Angela sat next to Whoopi. I hope it lasts.
It is Day11, and the last time I posted was on Day09. My coach has a brilliant coinage, “missing one day is a break, missing two is a new habit”. I would largely agree with this, but I really did need two days off-writing. I felt a bit like Lauryn Hill after she released Misseducation and everyone was asking her when she was gonna follow up with a new record, as major labels do.
Now, I’m not saying the first 9 days of BE ZEN, NOT HANGRY were comparable to arguably one of the greatest records of all time. Although, I am saying, it was good to have a little break and create some space to settle in to a rhythm and create space for substance. During my two day writing break, I saw a friend who had been reading this blog and he mentioned that he was surprised there wasn’t more on the specifics of fasting and what it feels like to fast daily for Ramadan. Which was feedback I really appreciated. I sat with it and it made sense to me.
Personally, I’d felt like I had been writing about what has been in mind over first 9days or so whilst fasting, but not about fasting itself. To be honest, had I been writing about the journey of fasting each day, I’m not sure it would have been a very good read. It would have been a lot of hunger, a lot of thirst, alot of tiredness and body clock out of whack.
I found the first 7-9 days really hard. Super hard in fact. The only way I can describe it is like feeling as you do on the Tuesday after Glastonbury. Unable to keep your eyes open. Body feeling mental, as if it’s someone else’s. Chronic aches and cramps and headaches - albeit for different reasons. I enjoyed writing about the thoughts and ideas in my mind, as helpful distractions from a very physical and visceral experience, whilst also experience a spiritual adjustment which feels totally out of step with daily life of living in Berlin and London.
On Wednesday, I woke up feeling different though. Lighter, eyes wide open, energetic almost. Feels like a mad thing to say, when describing the first 7 days, but day 8 and 9 felt almost enjoyable. I’m not sure exactly how I got my groove back, but I am assuming the body and mind had adjusted, the spirit had come to terms with the new realm we are operating in finally I was in step with my self. I love this phase, it is km 10-15 of the half marathon - you’re not near the end so its not the easy bit, but you’re fully warmed up and limber and you’re able to run well. Each stride you take feels good but also makes you feel good. You feel strong and able, its motivating to feel so capable against the odds.
It’s the first week of May in Berlin - after a brutal winter, the skies open and you’re greeted with infinite possibilities for the first time this year. The idea of the summer feels even more magnetic than what might well be the summer itself. Its purely life giving, in a literal sense.
I’ve got my groove back.
Your friend
Kazim